Tim is a 30 year old man from the United States. He lives in a European city, working in an
international organization. As he enters the office with his head down and sits on the sofa
opposite me, he sighs.
T. Its impossible, he says, I don’t think I can do this anymore.
M. What is that?
T. Well, in my work everything seems difficult. My colleagues are distant and my work is too
much for me. I am two years here and I haven’t been able to make good friends or find the
courage to ask Hellen out (Hellen is Tims colleague).
I am a failure. I can’t do anything right.
Why am I not confident? Why is everything so difficult to achieve? Why can’t I be like
M. Well, first of all, because you are asking the wrong questions.
T. What do you mean?
M. A wise man once said, ¨The answer is important when the question is important¨
If you imagine your brain as a computer and you type in the question ¨Why am I not
confident?¨ then your search engine is going to look for answers for this particular question
which already has a hidden message.
T. What message?
M. The message is that you are not confident. So, you are already assuming that you are
not confident and then you are looking for the reasons why.
T. I guess so. (Looking puzzled but waiting to hear more)
M. What would you put on your search engine so that you get the answers that you need and
without making assumptions? What would your question be then?
T. Well, I would ask ¨How can I be more confident¨?
M. Exactly! What would your brain do then?
T. It would look for ways for me to be confident.
M. Isn’t that more productive?
M. When we ask ourselves questions our mind is looking for specific answers to those
So, to get useful and important answers that will give you tools to achieve whatever you want
in life, you should ask the right questions that contain no assumptions.
The next day I received a message from Tim that he has a date with Hellen on Saturday!